Have you ever been in conversation with someone and thought maybe they just don’t understand? You keep talking, but they looked as if they have checked out. Have you ever felt rushed in conversation, and felt as though they were waiting on you to respond? Sometimes communicating is hard and it seems like technology doesn’t make it any easier to understand one another.
For many of us, we process the information we hear and read either in an external manner or an internal manner. We also tend to process different experiences, trials, and ideas in both of these ways. And I know you don’t have to be reminded, but we are not all created the same. We are not all carbon copies of one another. We are uniquely made by God. He fashioned and formed every part of us together: our physical traits, our personality, and even the way we process interactions in our life.
Psalm 139:13, “For You created my innermost parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.”
There are so many relationships in life that involve communication: work relationships, family relationships, and relationships with friends. It is inevitable that at some point in life, we will engage in communication with others. Why not try and understand better how you process things in relation to others and how to use that knowledge to your benefit as well as others?
The internet is overflowing with personality tests and quizzes to try to label you and identify what kind of person you are. I find those tests and quizzes defeating, condescending, and many times inaccurate representations of who God created you to be. Those “tests” are impersonal, generic, and paint you with a broad brush in a sorry attempt at defining who you are. Why not let the One who created you define you? After all, He knows the number of hairs on your head. That’s pretty personal if you ask me!
Luke 12:7, “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are of more value than many sparrows.”
So how do you process life? Do you like to talk about things out loud or with another person? Or do you process things in your mind, alone, and without the distraction of others’ opinions? There is not a right or wrong way to process the interactions and experiences we have in life. It is just the way we are designed. It is not a weakness to process internally, just as it’s not weird or abnormal to process externally.
You may feel like your actions and manner of processing is “right” and those who process differently are “wrong”. You may have the opinion that your manner of processing is the standard for “normal” and those who process opposite are broken and need to change.
Well, be cautious with that outlook because one day you may find yourself working with, or married to, or the parent of, those who process differently than you. And when you do, let the Lord take you on a journey of learning more about humility, patience, and grace.
Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves;”
So, may I offer just a little advice when it comes to communicating with those who process differently than you?
If you process externally, try to avoid putting all your cards on the table at once. Instead of dumping out all your feelings, ideas, or how you want a problem solved, try pinpointing one thing at a time. Just because you deal with “it” all at one time does not mean the other person does too.
To those who process internally, don’t get offended when others dump their feelings out all at once. Realize that external processors may rationalize by verbalizing to someone. Consider opportunities when you can be a listening ear and not necessarily a problem solver.
As we engage together in the many relationships we find throughout our life, we must have grace. There may be moments where you don’t understand how someone is dealing with a situation or processing their feelings. Remember, people don’t always process in a single way. We process multiple ways. So try to come to a place of understanding and have compassion toward the other person because you too have likely processed in a similar manner at one time or another. Be gentle with each other. Remember differences do not always equal weaknesses. Our differences can be strengths that benefit others. Believers are on the same team and have the opportunity to reach the lost in this world by shining the light of Christ and being a witness and example for Him.