Do you ever notice how the world tries to lump us into one of two categories? We’re either talkative or quiet. We’re either people-persons or wall-flowers. We’re either expressive or reserved. The assumption is that those who are talkative, expressive, people-persons are the only ones full of joy and contentment in the world. I hate that we do that because it’s just one of many ways we cause division.

We try to make sense of the people in our world by using our limited minds and slapping labels on “similar” groups of people. So we begin to describe them in negative ways and assume there is only one way to exist as a human and be considered “healthy” or “normal.”

What we fail to realize is that God made us all. He made us man and woman. In fact, Genesis 5:2 says,

“He created them male and female, and He blessed them and named them Man in the day when they were created.”

Collectively, together, we make up mankind. Genesis 1:27 says He made us in His image.

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

He also gave us characteristics and tendencies that are all just like Him. But instead of embracing those differences and figuring out how to learn from one another, we tear down, judge, assume, and assign labels.

We look at those who have opposite personalities from us, and think that they are “too” – too loud, too quiet, too busy, too standoffish. What we are really thinking is that they are too different. But we need to realize that different does not equal defective.

In the Old Testament, we see examples of how God exemplifies all of these things with perfect balance. Isaiah, Habakkuk, and Job all speak of the silence of God, whereas Exodus 19 shows us the louder side of God. He could withdraw from people but He would also enter crowds and display His power and authority. In the Gospels, we find Jesus showing both tendencies of being quiet and withdrawing from crowds to be alone, yet at other times actively engaged with His disciples and in huge crowds of people.

Neither of those tendencies are wrong in and of themselves. It’s not a bad thing to be talkative, expressive, and a people-person. It’s also not a bad thing to be quiet, reticent, and reserved. Just like the differences of having curly hair or straight hair. Being tall or being short. Having blue eyes or having brown eyes.

The body of Christ is made up of all kinds of people and personalities. No one’s personality is better than another’s. And no one’s personality excludes them from following or obeying God’s commandments. We are all called to carry out the Great Commission, love one another, pray, worship, read and study God’s Word, and serve Him wholeheartedly. Just because you’re quiet doesn’t mean you are excused from doing those things and just because you’re loud doesn’t mean you’re better at doing those things.

There’s always room for growth. Those of us who are loud can learn to listen and be still and pay attention. Those of us who are quiet can grow and reach outside our comfort zones to get more involved in ministry.

Talkative sisters can benefit from our quieter sisters by remembering it’s ok to not be busy all the time with everyone and sociable 24/7. Although God doesn’t call us to be isolated, it’s important to get away and be alone with God – even Jesus did that, many times! It’s not selfish or indulgent, unless taken to extreme.

But quieter sisters can also benefit from our talkative sisters by allowing ourselves to be stretched or uncomfortable. Look for opportunities where you can use your gifts to love on and minister to others, while also taking the time you need to be refreshed.

Now, although growth and reaching outside of our usual tendencies is important, we should also note how necessary having these differences are. Instead of trying to transform one another into the complete opposite of what God created us to be, we need to embrace the roles we were given and use our gifts to reach the people God put us here to reach. Each personality is gifted with the ability to reach different people in different ways.

Being a witness will not always look like going door-to-door and asking someone point-blank if they have accepted Jesus as their Savior. Sometimes that is intimidating for both the recipient and the evangelist. It doesn’t always take lots of words and flamboyant actions to interact with the world. Sometimes we don’t have to say a single word. We can witness by the way we live our lives. For example, by the way we take care of our home, or the way we address or interact with our children in public, or the way we show respect and love toward our spouse.

We can be a silent witness for Christ in those ways we just mentioned, and others take notice. It’s not always what you say. And it’s not about the platform you stand on. And sometimes, those of us who are naturally a little more reserved can better relate to and establish a connection with people who are also intimidated by visiting church or attending an event alone.

We are still called to love on people and “make disciples of the nations,” but You can reach people for Christ, one soul at a time. Don’t forget that even Jesus took time for the one woman at the well. He met her right where she was, and patiently ministered to her, even though she was hesitant.

Similarly, those of us who are more comfortable in large groups of people and gifted at striking up a spontaneous conversation, are able to reach others who are also more outgoing. This type of witness can look like inviting people to your Sunday school class, inviting your female coworkers to attend a women’s conference with you, or even inviting strangers like the waitress at a restaurant to attend church with you. Whereas, if a more reserved sister tried to reach those same people, they may not be as receptive, because they learn and relate differently than she does.

But we shouldn’t discount the impact that different personalities can have on one another. If we’re willing to humble ourselves, we can each learn valuable lessons by taking time to connect with those who are different from us.

As believers, we each have a unique personality and gift from the Lord. And somewhere out there, there is an unsaved person who would benefit from our witness. Never underestimate God. He has put each of us here with a specific purpose, to reach specific people in a specific way. There may be a person you can reach in a special way that I wouldn’t be able to. Likewise, there may be a person I am able to reach with the Gospel more easily than someone else.

In order to fully employ our personalities for the glory of God, we must understand that we cannot take them to a selfish extreme. It can be tempting to let ourselves act and think whatever we want, and make the excuse of “it’s just the way we are” or “it’s just how I’m wired.” What we should be doing is turning to Scripture to learn how God wants us to use what He has given us.

For example, those of us who are more reserved are sometimes tempted to justify our silence and absence by taking 1 Peter 3:4-5 out of context.

“Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

Gentle, quiet spirit doesn’t only refer to your mouth and tone or volume of your voice. It refers to your internal spirit – your ‘inner man”. It’s a meekness and a calmness internally. So our quieter sisters do not always have an advantage in this area. Women, of all personalities, are encouraged to have a “gentle, quiet spirit.” Talkative sisters may be rash and loud on the outside, but silent sisters can display the same contempt on the inside and show it with their body language on the outside.

Ask yourself: What do I do with my eyes to your husband? What do my facial expressions say? What does my cold shoulder do to others? What does my frowning and unpleasant face display? Or if you tend to internalize things more, then ask yourself: “What do I worry about and what festers in my mind?

Sometimes the more outgoing sisters are tempted to think that we are holier and better Christians than our quieter sisters because our servitude is more visible on the outside than others. We are told that our joy of the Lord is palpable and radiates and is outwardly noticeable, but woe to us because we are deceived when we think that. We are assuming that those who are quiet do not have the joy of the Lord – we might as well be calling those who are quieter than us, lost. They are not lost just because they are different from you. Don’t be haughty about your gift. Check your pride. Be careful that you don’t become arrogant.

Ask yourself: “Do I talk more than I listen? Do I have to be the center of attention by redirecting others to my own experiences? Am I like the Pharisees in thinking that I am more spiritually mature than others? Are my words disingenuous and insincere when talking to ppl who I view as less than myself?

God wonderfully made you with your personality and through the process of sanctification He will help you to use your gifts and talents to serve Him. Don’t worry about pleasing other people or trying to be someone you’re not. Humbly acknowledge who you are seek to live and minister in God’s strength rather than your own. Rest in God’s acceptance of who you are in Christ so you can be free to be yourself and be used by God to glorify Him. That’s where joy and contentment are found.

Think about how the Lord made you to be. Look at the gifts He has given you that match your unique personality. How can you use your quiet nature to be a witness to those around you? Or how can you use your outgoing expressions to point people to Christ? Ask God to show you ways that you can be a tool for His Kingdom, and then be willing to step out in obedience.