Have you ever had a “hunch”- a feeling about something? Are you one of those people who can sense a change in the weather by the pressure in your head? I’m not usually good about those things; but one morning I had a bad feeling that I was not well, and it didn’t take long for things to go downhill.
It hit like lightning. My throat was on fire and it felt like shards of glass with each breath and swallow. The days that followed brought a decrease in appetite and energy, as well as the inability to use my voice. I can tolerate many things when sick, but a sore throat brings a whole other level of “suffering”. The inability to speak may not be difficult for some women, but it is inconveniently chaotic for a homeschool teacher. I had to write everything down and relay my thoughts through pen and paper or type and text. It wasn’t just my throat that was affected; my whole body ached. I had no energy other than to sit in a chair or lay on the couch. I had to hand off my “mom jobs” and teaching duties and it made me feel like such a burden to our busy house.
You know what you do when you can’t talk? You think. I spent hours sitting and watching my husband and kids rush around the house and answer the phone, and thoughts began to race through my mind. Remember Zechariah in Luke 1:20? He was unable to speak – from the time the angel announced to him that he would be silent – until the day his son was born and he was to announce his child’s name. In verse 22 it says “he kept making signs to them, and remained mute.” I wasn’t mute (I could work out a whisper if I needed to), but I could relate to him making signs! I scribbled out things to my husband and kids on any piece of paper within reach. You know what’s easier than writing out your thoughts? Speaking them! I imagine Zechariah was frustrated that he couldn’t talk at will, but I bet he polished up his patience over that time!
When you’re sick and have nothing but time on your hands because you are confined to your home, you find you have an increased availability to speak to the One who knows your pain, who sympathizes with your weakness, and hears your cries for help (Hebrews 4:15). And as you speak to the One who sympathizes with your weaknesses, you begin to hear the whisper of the Holy Spirit speaking to your heart.
When it hurts to talk – when it feels as if every syllable is a sharp object rubbing the inside of your throat – you weigh your words carefully! You spare the words because they are not worth the pain. You measure the syllables because every single one causes discomfort. Your mind and sometimes your heart hurt because of what you want to speak, but are unable to relay. It was during this week of physical weakness that I began to let the Lord do a work on my heart. I invited Him to search my heart.
Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.”
And He showed me the burdens that are carried in my home. He showed me a hard working husband. He showed me studious kids who are diligent with their school work and helpful with jobs around the house. He showed me willing hands that made breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Psalm 26:2 “Examine me, O LORD, and try me; Test my mind and my heart.”
The Lord closed my mouth so my ears could hear the voices under my roof, the concerns on their hearts, and their laughter together. He provided me an opportunity to sit and rest from a busy schedule. I was thankful for that rest. And I was thankful for the imposed silence so I could listen. Gratitude began to grow inside me for the many blessings that were right in front of me and just outside my window.
Ecclesiastes 3:7 “[There is] a time to be silent and a time to speak”.
Do we ever practice the art of measuring our words? Do we weigh each word before we spout it off to our husband or our children? What about the words we speak to those we perceive have wronged us? Do we consider each thought spoken as a potential shard of glass that not only causes harm to others, but to our self as well? Our hearts can become hardened by the negative things we deliver from our very lips. An entire chapter in the book of James tells us the tongue is a fire (James 3) and “it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison; no one can tame the tongue.” (James 3:8)
Psalm 34:13 “Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.”
A sore throat is one way to “encourage” you to speak only what is necessary. Maybe my inconvenient illness was the greatest convenience after all. Silence is often a gift: the giving of time to receive and reflect. I learned that I don’t always have to be the one talking. I don’t always have to be the one giving words. There is also a time to give preference, in humility, to others.
Romans 12:10 “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;”
Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;”
I always knew I needed to work on developing a “gentle, quiet spirit”… I just didn’t know how the Lord would instruct me in that lesson.