Have you ever been quick to call or text a friend or family member and just start venting, ranting, complaining, and flooding them with verbal vomit? James 1:19-20 remind us to “be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”

Maybe before overwhelming another person with our abundance of words, we could try asking the other person how they have been doing. Have you ever started the conversation in their favor to see if there is any way you can be of assistance to them? Have you ever asked that other person how you can be praying for them? I fear sometimes we are too quick to dump our problems and concerns on other people without first “casting” them on the Lord (1 Pet. 5:7).

We are quick to use others as our sounding board. Have we ever considered their feelings? How would you feel if you woke up ready to meet your day and the tasks ahead…only to be met with complaining, grumbling, gossip, and negative speech?

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.“ – Ephesians 4:29, 31

Don’t mistake my words – we absolutely are to carry each other’s burdens. God directs us to be others-focused in Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens.” Yes, we should help each other bear the heavy burdens of life; however, the point is not to abuse that grace by intentionally and selfishly adding to another’s burdens. Don’t expect others to bear your anxieties and frustrations. When you selfishly expect others to bear your burdens, you are acting in pride and it will likely lead to frustration, discouragement, and depression. When we are “quick to hear”, we are others-focused. When are “slow to speak”, we are others-focused.

We should meet for lunch and coffee and gather with our Godly friends, – call them and text them – but when we do, instead of using it as a time of gossiping and unloading our issues and problems, we should ask how God has been helping them grow in their walk with Him. How has He been stretching them in their faith? Maybe they have a struggle they would like to share, as you share your own. You might be surprised to hear from them – if you pause long enough to let them share!

Again, I’m not saying we shouldn’t talk to friends and family about things that upset us. It’s good to share our struggles and seek wise and Godly counsel. But sometimes our words are only spoken because we want to be heard. What is your motive when you share? What are your intentions when you vent to a friend? Are you seeking relief? Are you seeking guidance? Or are you just seeking to offload your raw emotions so you can “get it off your chest”? We should use discernment and discretion when sharing so freely. Who is to say the person listening isn’t carrying their own heavy burden and your venting only adds to their load, further increasing their anxious spirit?   

God didn’t say, “don’t speak.” He said, “be slow to speak.” Don’t get in a hurry to get all the words out. Don’t express yourself so quickly without considering the other person. If you are constantly dumping on them, think about how that may affect them. There is a time to speak and a time to listen. Make sure you are taking time to listen.

I’m not perfect. To be honest, I’m preaching Gospel to myself because although I may not be quick to talk to friends and family, I do struggle with “dumping” on my spouse. I get in a hurry to get all the words out and I fail to consider the effects it has on him. Maybe he’s had a stressful day at work. Maybe he is carrying a burden he hasn’t shared with me. It is rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate of me to unload my frustrations on him without checking on his own heart. When I vent to my spouse before speaking first to God, I am at risk of speaking harshly, rashly, and having the conversation become emotionally charged. It does not reflect Christ; it shows my flesh – and my ugly heart.  

When we don’t take the time to pause before speaking, we are at risk of allowing our flesh and emotions running right over wisdom and discernment. We need to take time to separate our fleshly desires from our spiritual needs. We need to share our concerns with the Lord before man.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of an emotionally charged rant, do yourself a favor and ask that person if they have prayed about their concern before they called, texted, or spoke with you. More often than not, their answer will be no. And you will have an opportunity to pray with them and for them and point them to the One who can help. The only One who can guide them because He knows them better than you and He loves them more than you. He knows their future. He knows the plans He has for them. He can help them find the purpose in their pain.

Seeking Godly counsel is good and advisable, but only after seeking God first. Before you take your concerns and frustrations to your spouse, friend, family member, or co-worker, take them to the Lord in prayer. Seek Him first and ask Him to give you wisdom and discernment in your decision of who to share the information with and how to share. Ask Him for the words to speak in love and grace. Ask Him to help you keep your emotions in check. Ask Him to help you see His truth more than the enemy’s lies. Ask Him to quiet your heart and to help you be filled with His peace.

We need to practice this pause. Before we share with any other person, we need to pause and go first to God. Get all the venting out with Him. Take a walk and just share with Him as you would with a friend. He is with you, listening. He cares. He is the greatest sounding board. Taking the time to share with Him allows you a chance to calm down. It allows your emotions to be checked by the Holy Spirit. And it allows you the opportunity to hear from and respond to the Holy Spirit.

We are too quick to pick up the second half of James 1:19, skipping right over those key words in the beginning of that verse, “take note of this.” The NASB reads, “This you know.” In other words: listen, remember, and pay attention! Don’t be oblivious; but rather, concentrate and focus. The reason James is trying to grab their attention and ours is to warn us because we need time to process, pray, and recognize what’s going on in the situation. And the reason this is necessary is so we don’t act too quickly and make a mistake. We may be tempted to act in haste because we weren’t paying attention and we let our feelings control our actions.

Over and over in Scripture we read that our tongue reveals our heart. Do we listen more than we speak? Do we keep our anger in check? Are we careful about what we say? Do we put into practice what we hear in God’s Word?

We have a warning in James 1:26:

“If anyone thinks himself to be religious, yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this person’s religion is worthless.”

James is addressing the outward practice of a person. A person may appear holy, giving the perception that they have God’s Word all figured out and do what it says ALL the time. But who are they fooling?

James doesn’t want us to be fooled, nor does he want us to deceive ourselves. If anyone “thinks himself to be religious”… but they’re not even able to control their tongue – which reveals their heart – they deceive their heart, and… “this man’s religion is worthless.” Yikes.

Do we let God’s implanted Word grow within us? Do we apply His Word to our life and put it into practice? Because when we do – when we are “quick to hear and slow to speak” – our relationship with God is strengthened as well as our relationship with others. When we obey God’s Word, He matures us. He grows us spiritually. We learn to depend on Him more than we depend on others. When you give your burdens to God, you have more room to carry the burdens of others.