Have you ever been in conversation with someone and they made an agreement with you, or settled plans, or made arrangements to be present or perform a task? You know those conversations. “Yeah, let’s get together and do this thing.” “I can totally help you with that this month.” “Can I borrow some money? I’ll pay you back.”
James 5:12 reminds us, “But above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath; but your yes is to be yes, and your no, no, so that you do not fall under judgment.”
We are to be people of integrity.
James echoes Jesus’ words found in Matthew 5:34-37 –
“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, “You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.” But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is His footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply “Yes” or “No”; anything more than this comes from evil.“
The point in James’ and Jesus’ words is that we shouldn’t need to use oaths to make our words more believable.
We should be such people of integrity that others can know that our yes is yes and our no is no.
If a person’s word is true, and they are known as a person of integrity who reflects the values of God’s kingdom, then basic words as ‘yes’ and ‘no’ don’t need strengthened with an oath; they are infused with the power of an honest character.
Do we have an honest character?
Sometimes our yes is not yes, and while there is grace for when life gets crazy and plans change, too often we take advantage of that grace. We use it as an excuse to not follow through on our word.
And when we fail in this area, our reputation is at risk of being changed because of our lack of integrity. Even those things that may seem small – they still matter. Those little opportunities to demonstrate integrity – they add up.
How can we expect ourselves to show integrity in the more serious scenarios when we can’t show it in the little things?!
Matthew 25:23, “His lord said to him, “Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.”
We can all think of examples where people have shown a lack of integrity. We’ve seen others lie through their teeth. We’ve heard people say something and knew they didn’t really mean it. We’ve heard people make promises with no intention whatsoever in keeping that promise. And if we’re honest, we’ve even done the same ourselves.
But as believers, we know better. And we need to set an example and let our yes be yes and our no be no.
Don’t be so quick with an automatic response to a person’s request or invitation. Often, it is our feelings that determine our answers in these situations. And our feelings should not be the determining factor of our answer.
Instead, practice the pause. Tell them you need to check your schedule and discuss it with your family. Too often we think the person requesting and inviting is in need of an immediate response. But in reality, we almost always have time to consider our availability prior to responding.
By waiting before responding, we allow ourselves time to not only check with our family and calendar, but also to inquire of God. This is also an act of respect to the person initiating the request.
When we wait, we have clarity of mind. We are able to consider the variables that accompany the decision or are affected by it. When we give ourselves time, we can think logically, without the impulse of our feelings. And we do right by the other person when we take time to sincerely consider their offer, agreement, or invitation.
So how do we put this into action? How do we make sure our yes is yes and our no is no?
We don’t make rash decisions.
We don’t say the first thing that comes to mind.
We don’t let our feelings and emotions determine our plans, because they are inconsistent.
Here’s a few practical responses to consider implementing in your conversations:
“Thank you for thinking of me.”
“I will need to take some time to consider this.”
“I will need more details before I can make a final decision.”
“I need to check my schedule.”
Make sure you follow these up with a final answer in a timely manner.
As believers, it is important to be men and women of integrity. This is not only for our own sake, but it also reflects our obedience to Christ. When we are honest in our interactions, we show that we value Christ and His Word. His Word instructs us to walk in integrity and conduct our lives in an honest and upright manner. By practicing the pause, we are proving ourselves to be doers of the Word, and not just hearers (James 1:22).