The end of each year is often a time of looking back over our past, whereas the first part of each year is usually a time of looking forward into our future. As I have looked back over previous years, I sometimes miss what once was; but I anticipate what’s to come. As I look forward into the future and an empty nest on the horizon, I can’t help but reflect on this current season with my family.
I don’t ever remember hearing or reading about the seasons of parenting. Maybe it should’ve been obvious, but sometimes we get so busy we just don’t see it until later. I do miss the little feet and busy hands. They are still around, just in different ways. They are coming and going to work and college. They are fixing cars and repairing things, watching movies together and going shopping.
One thing that has weighed on my mind is the need to be intentional with my kids. I want to be present for the remaining years I have with my kids in my home. Tomorrow is never promised; but eventually, Lord willing, they will move out, get married, have careers, and start their own families. So I want to redeem the time and cherish each moment. As our kids grow older, we get tempted to hurry them through life. If we’re not careful, we can rush so much that life becomes unenjoyable for everyone.
Can I just make a small suggestion? Love your kids right where they’re at in life. Inquire about their interests and things going on in their realm, and simply enjoy their presence. Whatever age they are currently – enjoy it! If they are little, read a book with them or play their favorite game together. If they are teens, enjoy those crazy car rides and laugh as they share funny stories and texts. If they are college grads, pray for them as they embark on their work-life as they go where the Lord leads them.
The most important thing I have learned raising kids the past 20+ years is that it’s more important for them to follow God’s will and plan for their life rather than my plans! Because here’s the thing: God made our kids and He gave them gifts and talents. He already knows what they’re good at and where they should be using the gifts and talents He gave them.
If we pay attention, we can even see these gifts and talents take shape at a very young age. But if we’re not careful, we can consequently demean those gifts and talents from the Lord. God has already gone before us and His plans are way better than any we can attempt to come up with on our own. Instead of ignoring those God-given gifts and talents in our children, we need to walk alongside and help our kids develop those gifts, praying they are used to glorify the Lord.
Jacob shows us this very well in Genesis 33 when he made his journey after meeting Esau. Esau had invited Jacob to travel with him back to his home in Seir in the region of Edom, but Jacob declined. Instead of making his children and livestock keep the pace of Esau’s caravan, Jacob slows down to the pace of his own family and considers their health and ability above anything else.
“Please let my lord pass on before his servant, and I will proceed at my leisure, according to the pace of the cattle that are before me and according to the pace of the children, until I come to my lord at Seir.” -Genesis 33:14
Jacob had a tender concern for his own family and animals. He was a good father to consider his children and not lead them too quickly. He was also a good shepherd to consider his livestock and not drive them too fast. What an example for us to follow; however, Jacob was not the only one to example this. Jesus also exampled what it looks like to be compassionate and considerate of children as well as animals.
Isaiah 40:11, “Like a shepherd He will tend His flock, in His arm He will gather the lambs and carry them in the fold of His robe; He will gently lead the nursing ewes.”
John 10:11,14 “I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.” “I am the good shepherd, and I know My own, and My own know Me,”
Through the example of Jacob and Jesus, we can learn to be patient with our kids and let them set the pace. We can set aside pride and put on humility. Instead of getting in a hurry or trying to keep the pace of the world, we should consider allowing the path the Lord has for our kids to be different than the world. We may get in a hurry for them to reach their destination, but we need to “proceed at leisure” and “according to the pace of the children” because their legs are short and their muscles are still growing and strengthening for the road ahead (for when they are older). It is for their benefit and protection that we stay with them and guide them, teaching them and helping them along the way.
If we take the time to pay attention, we will see that we actually have much to learn from our kids. They live at a different pace. They take time to see the world and experience God’s creation. They don’t worry about their needs being met because they depend on their parents to provide for them. Jacob’s children in the Genesis 33 account can also teach us some things. In their child-like faith, they followed in the caravan without questioning – not fearing what’s “ahead”; not worrying about where their next meal would be from. They traveled with their parents, out of dependence and obedience. And really, we should follow Christ like that and teach our children to do the same! That way when they are older and on their own, they will know to depend on their Heavenly Father to provide for their needs and obey where He leads.
So in whatever season of parenting, slow down and enjoy this time. Don’t push your children or lord your authority over them. Be an example to show them what humble servitude looks like. Think of Jesus: He doesn’t berate, belittle, or speak in a condescending manner to His “children”. He walks with them so they will see His example.
John 13:15, “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”
God is the One who gave us our children; they belong to Him. We are just stewarding them for a short time. We have the years of our earthly life to love them. Our job is to raise them to know the Lord. And if they place their faith in Him, we can trust their futures are secure because they will have all eternity with Him!